Wednesday, June 3, 2015


It all seems surreal. Yesterday I woke up with a golden treasure and now, I'm left with a hollow ache. Exhausted and confused and broken. They say there are so many ways to handle this loss. Grief, anger, rest, talking....but where do you even begin?

Don't ask me why we didn't tell you right away. For almost 12 weeks, it was our secret. Our everyday joy that was growing so big it wanted to explode and shout to the world. My husband and I were both so excited. Dreaming big for this little miracle. Another tiny life to hold and nurture. A piece of us, our future, to make another place in our overflowing basket of family and love. Do not tell me we can try again. Do NOT diminish the importance of this short, little life. She never got to breathe, his eyes never will open earthside. But he or she lived. And was loved. More deeply than you could possibly imagine. 

Do not tell me you know how we feel. Loss happens, to so many. But we all carry it differently. And while I will forever be a card carrying member of this terrible club, we all know the truth. That it hurts more deeply than one can ever imagine. Instead, please empathize because you've been there. It helps to hear we are not alone. That you too, have been on this side of heartbreak. 

Don't tell us we have other children here who need us. Trust me, we are more than aware how very much they need our love and attention, more so than you. And they also need to be acknowledged for they lost a sibling, one they never got to know. 

Don't tell us we should be happy with the healthy family we already have, or that we should try again soon. Please do not make assumptions or cast your opinion on the size or future plans of our family. 

Just give me a hug. Tell me you're here for whatever we need. Let us grieve and heal.